I’m famished first thing in the morning. Probably since I have only eaten a bite or two since about 3:30 yesterday afternoon. Fortunately, I’ve got some leftover BR so I can eat first thing without waiting for anything to cook.
I’m starting to feel like this is all pretty normal now, even though I recognize that I went through a mental shift the first day and haven’t shifted back. I’m inside my mind. More now than usual, my experience follows my thoughts. To be happy, all I have to do is think I’m happy. I wonder if I can fly this way? Maybe by day 4..
I recall taking a few notes last time I did this, so I look them up in my journal. Actually, there’s surprisingly little for that period written in my journal. It looks like the apple fast is more interesting to past me. The brown rice part is barely mentioned, probably because I did a 10-day brown rice fast maybe 9 months before that, so this little 5-day baby seemed uneventful. I think I’m more edgy about it this time because I’m vegan now, and since going vegan I’ve noticed that fasting doesn’t seem to bring as many benefits, presumably because I’ve stopped dumping loads of toxic waste down my gullet. So I have more thoughts of “why?” as I notice my body not really detoxing, but just getting a little weaker. I have no answer for these pesky thoughts..
Back to the journal — it does say that adjusting from apples to grains did a number on my digestion. We’ll see how that goes in reverse here shortly!
I eat pretty consistently all day, having a small bowl every hour or so. My body is not excited about moving around while my mind feels well-fueled to do things like read, write, play, study. Things are a little.. edgier though. Contradictions stand out stronger than usual, and they’re harder to brush under the rug.
In the evening I read a little Thich Nhat Hanh, about living in the present moment, the nature of suffering, and becoming conscious of the patterns we have that don’t serve us well. I’m thinking geez, I’ve got one — what the heck has caused me to want to semi-starve my body like this..? I recognize the pattern and what’s keeping me in at the moment is an attachment to some twisted notion of balance with last season’s inverse fast. TNH says that recognizing the seeds of our suffering is the first step, so I feel like I’m making progress, but I’m not free enough to break out of this crazy fast. Just yet.
I remind myself that the crazy hasn’t really started yet — apples are still to come!