It spins and reels and turns upside down. The earth comes out from underneath. There's nothing quite like it. From the outside, looking in on the one being spun, it always looks so much simpler; that's because to the observer, the world is pretty much staying put, just the spinner is spinning. When you're the one spinning, you don't have the luxury of greater perspective.
It's very difficult to make decisions when the world spins. When your reference points are constantly shifting, you don't know how to get there from here, or even which way you want to get, for that matter.
I thought I was making decisions based on some system, but once things didn't turn out how I wanted them to, can I trust that system? And I've never been one to trust someone else's system. That leaves me with an open question: how the hell to make any decisions at all and trust in them? Even basic ones like whether to get out of bed in the morning. Go with the flow, keep options open? What if you don't even trust that you know which decision will keep options open?
There's little question about whether or not I'm alive, though. Feelings have an incredible way of pointing that little fact out.